What Are You Doing Man?
Thank you, Marosa, for your teachings, love, and wisdom. I love you. I can never repay what you have given me. But I will try. Thank you for giving me the target to aim at. I will reach it.
Reading this again now… God, I still have a lot of work to do. Don't we all. 🍵 EB.
Do you worship the ground she walks on? Do you ravish her with your presence? Do you ever truly listen to her? You speak to her in words and she looks at you with feelings.
You aren’t even speaking the same language.
Are you willing to get over yourself and become the pinnacle of the Man that she deserves? To suck it up, shed your brittle ego, and surrender yourself completely to the divinity that arises with every breath she breathes? Do you take the lead, any lead at all? Have you created a Garden of Eden for her so that she can breathe freely and expand her infinite capacity for love to envelope you and everything her fierce gaze and soft touch fall on?
If not, what the actual fuck are you doing man?
She is a divine miracle. An angel incarnate. She is the living embodiment of cosmic lifeforce. The creative, playful, loving energy of the cosmos is standing in front of you. Embodied poetry. Not even poetry! She is the very Spark that inspired the greatest poets in history. The Muse who’s sung your song for eons. The Great Mother giving birth to all things, suffering through countless ages of neglect and hostility. The impenetrable, insurmountable Fount of Beauty.
How dare you disrespect that.
You treat her like some carbon-copy option among hundreds. Sitting here now, fucking around, secretly waiting for the next-best-thing to magically appear and grovel at your feet. Deceiving yourself with grandiose and narcissistic stories that she has no better option than the lacklustre limp-dick minimum effort you scrape together. Making her beg for attention—questioning your love but all the while clinging onto hope—barely able to rip you out of the trance of empty phone addiction or worse, the same goddamn video game you’ve been playing since you were 15.
For what?
Because you’re comfortable? Because staying in some mildly okay non-thing is easier for you than releasing her into the arms of a love and lover who recognizes her for what she truly is and is willing to treat her that way? Because admitting to yourself you’re nowhere near the Man she deserves is too painful? Because anything beyond the bare minimum is too unreasonable to ask of a God-King like you?
Do you hear yourself?
You’re not suffering from too much masculinity, you’re empty of it. She’s starving. Begging you to be a Man for once in your life. Desperate to feel the power and purpose of the Sacred Masculine she knows lies somewhere deep in your heart. Yearning for you to show up at the table—come hell or high water—and lead her with love into heaven on earth. Get it together, man. Commit, or quit. You’re not protecting anyone but yourself from pain, and you're hurting too.
Perhaps the proper orientation of Man is to always feel inferior to the Divine Feminine.
For what is Truth, Goodness, and Beauty other than Her? If you cannot see that, you do not deserve it. If you cannot act like it, you are not ready for it. Without her, your bloodline ends. Without her, you never become the Man the Gods are calling you to be. Your fate lies through her and beside her, not despite her. In what position are you to bargain? Bring nothing less than your absolute best to bear, to earn nothing more than the hope of being worthy of Her Grace. Your self-righteous entitlement in this matter is grossly misplaced.
"Pride cometh before a fall."
And the arrogance of Man is near limitless. If you are not prepared to show up—strong, full, capable, committed, and say without flinching, “I am not yet worthy, but I will do everything in my God-given power to become the Man you deserve, I will never let you forget your Love and Beauty, and I will love you through absolutely everything, for you are the very air I breathed since I was born, the vital energy that propelled me through this life, and every spark of inspiration, joy, and purpose that animates me now,” what makes you worthy of even her gaze?
Secretly, you know this is the only test that matters to you.
You distract yourself with the trivial nonsense of the world to escape this. You fear unworthiness. Fear being judged as not enough. So you retreat into absence, control, anger, indifference. Slowly, the Sacred Masculine inside of you withers and dies. You long for the opportunity to show your Self, Her, and God the Man you can be. You’ve pursued it your entire life. To find something truly worthy of your strength, discipline, courage, love, honour, dignity. Someone who will meet the best of you with the best of her, and launch you both into transcendent realms never once imagined.
She is here in front of you now.
Waiting, yearning, longing for the Divinity within you to spark an inferno of love, burning away all the fear, smallness, and separation in her. Waiting for you to rise. To become the Man, the Pattern, the Paternal, the Sacred Structure that frees her fully into love.
What will you do?
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